Finding The Passion

I have been fighting a lack of passion that has been flowing through my blood for a brief period. I have felt as if my gas tank is on empty and no matter what I accomplish off the endless task list or how I try to pamper myself to find self-contentment, the tank remains bone dry.

I am just a single human trying to accomplish the tasks of many. Sometimes I feel like my list accomplishes nothing even when complete yet I still feel this great desire and need to finish before I move on. My priority should be my God but lately I haven't felt that I have been putting Him first. The enemy uses simple subtleties to distract us from what's important in life. For me, my interferences I allow are as simple as filling up my days with "to-dos." And because I welcome these task, my free time rarely exists.

It has been very difficult for me to grasp the concept of limited control. Even growing up, my pops would comment on my continuous idea that I was always right or that I was in charged. I remember it so clearly, "Ya, I know Lauren, you're always right." or "I am the father. You are the daughter." It  makes me chuckle as I become more mature and realize how little I knew. Dad, you were right! (Bet you never thought you'd hear me say that.) As time matures, I still find myself fighting this mindset. The Lord is good at bringing truth to all circumstances.

My Lord steps in and shows me that today cannot be complete without Him. A few nights ago I meet with a group of beautiful woman each having their own story. Together we joined for a night of worship to fellowship with one another and spend time with our King. His presence filled the room as He made Himself known to many.  He renewed my heart and reminded me of the reasons for life on this world. My soul became refreshed as His Spirit poured on me. I was in need of tending and mending that only He could and can bring.

Still today I struggle with the concept that I am not in control and my whole world won’t fall apart if I don’t get through my lists. I am slowly learning though that there are other priorities in life like my God, my husband, my family and my friends. The to-do items can wait. They will always be there. Instead, I want to live for today and live for my God. I want to spend my time with those I love and completing His work so that when it is time to leave this earth I will have made the most of the days of my life and have no regrets.

What Is Your Definition?

What is your definition of beautiful?

Imagine one of five senses that God has blessed us with has been taken away: sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste. How does your definition change?

Sitting at a desk, headphones in, eyes closed, I listen to lyrics by The Ataris and meditate on the question. Life is only as good as the memories we make...I found a map to buried treasure and even if we come home empty handed well still have our stories of battle scars, pirate ships and wounded hearts,broken bones, [and all the best of friendships.]

When I was 16 and I first got my licence I was blasting this song with a few friends. Without paying attention to a green light turning yellow and soon red, I decided to floor it through the intersection. As my mustang gracefully soared through the air and our silence was disturbed by the tires slamming against the pavement,we all looked at each other in awe of the situation.

Pulling up in my truck, hoodie over my head, I looked beyond the picket fence at the moon light reflecting on the crashing waves. A scared little girl, lost and broken with no more answers, there was only one thing left to do. I met with someone whose near and dear to me, a woman full of radiating beauty, a friend that I trust with all my heart. With her I prayed and made a decision to let Christ be the leader of my life.

The sounds of Brother Iz play in the background: somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true. I politely smile because really, I am holding back tears of joy as I walked down the aisle to meet my prince charming. Starring madly and deeply in his eyes, I breakdown, overwhelmed with happiness and blessed feelings that I will be spending the rest of my life with my best friend, my husband.

Beautiful has many definitions. For me its the unforgettable memories created with the people I love deeply and the memories our future still holds. Its the relationship made and nurtured through the years and the characteristics possessed that are beautiful to me. It the ability to take a split second of time and hold it forever as a reminder of this precious life we've been given, a gift from God.
So let me ask you, what does your definition look like?
(I'd be curious to hear from each of you in the comments below)